


Carried Out

by TiredDragons



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Build up to an awful joke, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, background Spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredDragons/pseuds/TiredDragons
Summary: The captain hasn't been in for his regular physical in much too long, so Bones takes matters into his own hands. Or rather, Spock's.





	

“He needs to be brought in, Spock. You know he does. He’s not fully healed yet from his last planetside excursion and he hasn’t come in for his monthly physical in three months! He’s not going to be able to continue on this way if I just wait for him!”

“And what exactly do you want me to do about this, Doctor?”

McCoy smiled mischievously at the half-Vulcan. “I want you to carry him down here.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Carry him?”

“Oh yes. Carry him. He won’t come voluntarily so you’ll have to use whatever force necessary to get him here.” The doctor seemed much too joyful at the prospect of his captain being carried through the ship.

“He will likely object heavily to such actions.” The smile fell from his face as Spock spoke.

“Damnit Spock, I’m worried about him! He’s avoiding me now.” McCoy huffed, crossing his arms.

Spock hummed contemplatively and nodded. “That is rather unusual behavior for the Captain.”

“It is. I’m making it your responsibility to bring him down here within the hour, Mr. Spock, or I will confine the both of you to quarters for disobeying your doctor.” The little smirk crept back onto the doctor’s face.

“Something I’m sure you will enjoy quite thoroughly.” The science officer replied drily.

“Quite. Now go get the stubborn bastard.”

* * *

 

Spock stepped onto the bridge and zeroed in on Captain Kirk immediately. He came up beside the command chair and stared ahead out the view screen.

“Yes, Mr. Spock?” Spock looked down at his Captain, who had tilted his head up to look at him with a small smile playing on his lips.

“I was speaking to Doctor McCoy just a moment ago and he tells me you have not been back to sick bay in quite a while for your physical.”

Jim winced and looked straight ahead. “I'll... head down when Alpha shift ends, Mr. Spock.”

“The doctor was quite adamant you report immediately.”

“Well, I'll call down and tell him I'm busy. I'm on duty, as he should remember.”

“He predicted you would protest. Unfortunately, in this instance his orders supersede your command. Come, Captain.” Spock leaned down and scooped Kirk up out of his chair and slung him over his shoulder before the man could register what was going on. “Mr. Sulu, you have the conn.”

“Aye, sir.” The pilot pursed his lips to keep himself from laughing as he called in a replacement for the helm. The rest of the bridge crew was in a similar state, pretending not to be moments away from breaking down into giggles as their captain struggled against Spock’s grip and shouted protests at his back off into the turbolift.

“Spock, put me down! Put me down this instant!” The ensigns walking by the lift scattered as soon as they heard Kirk’s voice come through angrily. The door slid open and out stepped the two. It was quite fortunate, Spock mused, that the captain hadn’t actually attempted to harm him in his struggle to be released.

“You are creating quite a scene, sir. I would recommend you cease your protests, lest you continue to draw attention to yourself as we go along.” He had heard the footsteps of the crewmen as they scrambled out of the way, then subsequently turned back to investigate why Kirk seemed so angry.

“Oh for the love of- Spock! I am perfectly capable of walking by myself!” Kirk could practically feel the look Spock was giving him.

“You are also capable of running off as soon as your feet touch the floor. It is best this way. Your weight is of no consequence to me, as Vulcans are three times stronger than humans. I would recommend you cease your struggling to prevent any injury to either of us. We are almost at the sick bay.” Kirk groaned and let his head flop against his First Officer’s back for the rest of the way down the hall. The doctor was waiting just inside the door.

“Oh good! You brought him right in time.” McCoy rubbed his hands together and walked off to get his tricorder and hypospray kit.

“Of course, Doctor.”

“Oh shut it, Bones. I can hear your smile. Will you put me down now, Spock?” Kirk wiggled a bit for emphasis. Steady hands lifted him slightly and placed him on his feet. He adjusted his shirt and Spock suppressed a shiver at the loss of body heat.

McCoy reappeared, supplies in hand, and Kirk eyed him warily. The doctor was much too happy about this, though he did have a point. He had been putting off his physical for much longer than he should have, but for good reason. He was simply waiting for the evidence of… other activities to fade. They had, in fact, already faded beyond suspicion, though he was still in no hurry to get this done.

Kirk reached out and brushed his fingers against Spock’s. “Get back to the bridge and relieve Mister Sulu, Spock. I believe they could use a more serious atmosphere at the moment.”

Spock let his hand linger for a moment longer then pulled away. “Yes, Captain.” The two humans watched the First Officer exit the room.

Once the door had slid shut, McCoy rounded on the captain with his tricorder. “Keep the PDA to a minimum around me, please. I don’t need anyone else getting ideas about what they can do in my sickbay. Now take off your shirt.”

“Your sickbay, Bones?” Kirk smiled and complied. “We merely touched hands. I don’t see what the problem is there.”

The doctor crinkled his nose and put the tricorder down to calibrate one of the biobeds before having the captain lie upon it. “I don’t see you using it. And don’t play dumb, Jim. We both know what you did.”

“What I did? What about what you did?”

McCoy raised an eyebrow. It was a tad difficult to take the man seriously when he was on his back like this, but he did his best. “What I did?”

“You had my first officer literally carry me down here, humiliating me in front of my crew, all without consulting me first. You could be in serious trouble, Bones.”

He rolled his eyes as he took down Kirk’s vitals.“You had been consulted. If you wouldn’t ignore any messages from me regarding your physicals and check ups, maybe you would have seen that in my last one I explicitly told you that if you did not come in within a specific timeframe, it would be well within my authority as chief medical officer to have you dragged, or rather carried here.”

Kirk went silent at that and the rest of the time passed quietly until a wry smirk began to creep onto the captain’s face.

“Oh no. Don’t you tell me what just crossed your mind.”

“You know, Bones, I suppose there is one good thing that came out of this.” The captain sat up once he was allowed and stretched to ease his back.

“Jim, I said not to.”

“I did get to examine Mister Spock’s excellent posterior musculature.”

“Captain, there are some things I don’t need to know and that is one of them.”

“It’s made me realize that he really is much more Vulcan than human.”

McCoy raised a brow and shook his head.“Took you this long, did it?”

“Because honestly, his ass is definitely out of this world.” The two froze as what Kirk had just said sank in. The doctor’s face contorted in disgust and the other began to laugh.

“ _God damn it, Jim!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to vvarp-core for editing this mess and to the whole discord chat for encouraging me to finish this. I did it guys, I did it.


End file.
